Dear men and women of Earth,

This is my declaration of being pissed off at the world regarding relationships. This is my contribution to making the relationship world a better place.

MEN -
I know how you think, I know why you think like you do. I know that many of you are not my problems, but you still have the same problems with women. I am speaking to a select many here… How dare you lie, mislead, cheat, hurt emotionally or physically women. Why cheat? If you don’t like her enough to sleep with her then don’t be with her. It’s that fucking simple! How is it so hard to keep it in your pants! That’s what pornography is for guys!!

I understand that you want to show dominance with your girl so whenever a guy seems interested in her you either get aggressive towards the guy who may or may not know that she is not single. Look, you can have more peaceful ways of showing that the girl is yours that doesn’t make her look like a piece of meat and doesn’t make the guy whose interested feel like shit or have a black eye. For one, don’t be an asshole. Secondly, don’t make out with your girl just to make him know. You keep the kissing to a more private time and not used as spite towards someone else. Thirdly, sometimes the guy isn’t hitting on the girl so don’t be a jealous asshole. A real man can let his girlfriend get hit on and have guy friends and knows when to step in and stop the guy from harming the girl. A real man doesn’t have to show off his girlfriend because he is confident with himself and her that he doesn’t have to flaunt her around.

Look, some guys want to have fun. I know that, we are best to live up life til’ we die. Well why don’t we do that with one girlfriend at a time. Now I am speaking about serious relationships, but if it’s a more casual relationship then as long as the guy is honest with his girl and she knows that he is not settling down then that is fine. But you have to always keep in mind that these are girls with souls. They are like us except they have breasts, vaginas, doesn’t have dicks (depending on the girl of course) and they think first with emotion over instinct.

Men were created first as alpha males who would live by instincts and become dominant mates. I realize that some guys have mommy and daddy issues, but NEVER NEVER emotionally or especially physically abuse the girl. They are human beings who are as beautiful as we were created to be. To touch a girl in anger, you should be set on fire. If you are not happy, then find a doctor who can help you with medication and anger management. To abuse a girl shows you have no conscience and no confidence in yourself. A real man is always polite and never harms his lady. A real man can express anger in other ways without having to take it out on the people around him especially the ones closest to him.

Men I understand getting caught up in pleasure while having sex, sometimes. I also realize how much of a buzzkill this sounds, but stop telling the girls how great they are in bed! You are feeding them lies for them to feed to other guys. I mean don’t tell them how much they suck… in bed, but instead give them pointers while you are in bed. For example instead of, “Oh baby, you know how to suck me so good!” While that also fails grammatically, try this instead, “Work it harder, make it better, do it faster, makes us stronger!” Yes, you would be quoting Daft Punk and Kanye West, but at least you would be more honest with her this way. Only give compliments and that type of encouragement when it is deserved, you know how a woman should please you. If they cannot please you as you want, then you need to step up and show them how you want them to get you off.

Men, break up with those girls that put you on a leash. If you cannot be yourself around her, then she is not worthy of being with you. You should be able to enjoy the company of your friends and have lady friends. To let your girl leash you is stupid, except in the case the leash is literally a leash in bed and you both enjoy that kind of thing. Other then that no exceptions!

There are many more relationship crimes, you men are guilty of, but let these be known here.

WOMEN -
I don’t know you as well as I do men, but oh boy have I heard all your woes. Not all of you are guilty of these crimes, but I know enough to say that women need just as much help as men for different reasons. These are all so easily answered by me for you. I have seen you lead men on, cheat on men, leash your men, and are just stupid about breaking up with them. I will stand for this no longer.

I understand that you want to enjoy life and sometimes are not looking for someone. What I do not understand is that you sometimes lead men on and sometimes you do it full well. You turn men into your emotional tampons and lead them on. Making them think they have a chance. You bitch about your boyfriend or ex boyfriend with no intention of being with this innocent man who thinks the world of you. You might even flirt with him at times and then as soon as they show interest back then you ignore them or immediately reject them. I don’t care if you are naturally a flirty type of girl, do not lead men on. I have heard enough stories about men leading you on, why lead men on? You are just creating a vicious circle for the world. A real woman can enjoy single life without having to slut yourselves around leading some good men on.

I already said this for the men, the same applies to you women, don’t cheat. If you want to cheat then just masturbate or take up a new hobby, but mainly DON’T STAY WITH THEM THEN! A real woman is smart enough to know (since I have known many lovely girls who have been cheated on by shitholes) to not cheat on men either. Some men are truly nice guys, others are shitholes…

Look, I realize that relationships can be a dramatic thing, but what I cannot stand is how some of you amazing women stay with guys you know are not right for you. I have known girls who are only with their shithole of a boyfriend because they have been with them so long they wouldn’t know what to do without them. Believe me, you will live, so many others before you have survived hard breakups. Don’t be stupid. If he has cheated on you once before, don’t give him another chance to cheat on you! If you fight with him often, you should probably reconsider being with him. The longer you stay with him, the harder the break up will be. So don’t be stupid!

I know you like an exciting guy, you want a guy who can be a man and treat you like a woman. Then stay away from assholes! There are plenty more nice guys out there that may not be as exciting, but are so quality. Instead you ignore them for the guys that approach you and use pickup lines or are just plain shitholes. Then you “fall” for them, sometimes you sleep with them right after or eventually, and then they either cheat on you or dump you and you don’t know why. They dumped you or cheated on you because they are assholes, that’s what they are supposed to do. They don’t want relationships, they want great sex and a good time. Sometimes they find girls to catch their attention and they will want a relationship, but never long term like you wish. Some hide under the guise of a nice guy, but as soon as you realize they are shit, leave the bastards. It’s that simple!

I know you want to stay with your man, sometimes they are amazing to be with. What I don’t understand is why do you have to leash your men. Don’t pretend that you want to be with someone when all you do is bitch to them. Men need their freedom and independence, men need to have time with their guy friends and be able to have female friends. If you cannot trust your man, then don’t be with him. Also, go see a doctor because you might be bipolar or might need some counseling. Just because some guys have treated you like shit, that gives you no right to treat good men like shit because of that. A real woman trusts her man and gives him the independence he so rightfully deserves.

Finally, one quick thing that always bothers me. Girls, when a guy tells you he loves you and you are making out. He is saying that because he only wants to fuck you, don’t fall for it unless you want to sleep with him and risk the chance of having a baby. If you get pregnant because of that then you are stupid, but do not take it out on the poor child inside you. Also when a guy tells you in bed that you are doing a great job that doesn’t mean you are the best kisser or give the best head. So stop telling other men how great you are in bed, just for them to find out how truly you actually suck… in bed.

There are many more relationship crimes you women are guilty of, but let these be known here.

Look, no one is perfect, but we need to stop being stupid about these things. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own heads that we don’t see what we are doing with that certain someone special. If you mess up once, don’t do it again. Karma does exist and so does herpes so don’t be stupid. Use protection if you aren’t serious with the boy or girl or are ready to have a kid yet. I am done ranting, but keep this all in mind from now on.

DON’T BE STUPID! It’s that simple!

Thank you,
Andrew Leamon

P.S. Recently, I have become acquainted with people who think they can be in a non-serious relationship with someone or they can be fuck buddies with someone and not develop feelings for the person. For the most part guys do not grow feelings, but girls will. Guys are as guilty as the girls because they know how all fuck buddies or “open relationships” or non serious relationships end. They never work, they always end with someone getting hurt. Save yourself the trouble and if you want sex that badly, pay a hooker or gigolo or whoever to sleep with you.